awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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