I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize