I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Blood and glitter go together right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
