At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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