Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
