I'm jealous of your bromance
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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