i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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