Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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