thus making me awesome and them whores
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
