people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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