so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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