i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
