I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
