does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize