The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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