weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
