very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just threw up on my dentist
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
