Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
