Swine flu. Run for my life!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize