I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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