just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
