Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
