jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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