you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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