babies were throwing up all over the place
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
