your room smells of hookers.
And success
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
