I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
