Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I need moral support for this bender
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is Oprah even human
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
