he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Randomize
