Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
