im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
