I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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