So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
thus making me awesome and them whores
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
