Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
where are you?
Hypothermia
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
