I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh god it's open bar.
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