I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
