I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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