We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
