I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
