I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
