I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
