somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
