the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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