She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
