wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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