I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
