the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
