Don't you send me to vm
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
