i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
