i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
