You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
