to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
