I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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