I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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