i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
