I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
