Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
