Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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