The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
