Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
