Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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