i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
